Funny Business
A Special Edition of The East Village

Charles Bernstein

Cum ipse plectrum maribilus factotum
Grandio decorum ludicare plenus est
Amo digitalis flagrantia moribund
Ammo ipse luminatti finitudo
Regio masturboris terminus reglutino
Habitatio potentia paternitus mea
Quod perpetuo obduro nunc nobilis
Causam Excrucio belle fugit veritas
Quisquam fortunatus modo pumex
Ave mediocris grammiticus
Opera circumsilliens modo quamquam
Proximus nostrum ignorare arbitraris

[This fragment has been reconstructed from documents recently discovered near Rome. It is believed to be derived from a poem by Caudio Amberian, who was an advisor to Nero, although little else is know about him. Many lexical and grammatical irregularities characterize this no doubt debased text; the translation provided tries to remain as literal as possible, providing in English an experience close to what it might have been like for the first Latin auditors of this self-cannibalizing work. --Charles Bernstein.] With itself plucked marble, factotum Grand with ludicrous decoration, is full I love 'finger stimulation' without shame, deadly Ammunition itself enfused with final light The king handles himself terminally, comes unglued My fatherhood enhouses my potency On the grounds that perpetual obdurance is now To conduct torture a pretty flight to truth Anyone blessed just pumice Farewell grammatical ordinariness Works wobbling with only little qualms Near our arbitrary ignorance

Volume Eleven Index