XII. 
    
        So I basically
         forgot
          of the existence
              of  my own
                   personal
              muse 
         As you were truly
                  the source
                  of my poetic
              yearnings.
         Oh, fear not avid reader.
                  I write onÖ
          You, the disappearing reappearing
                   poet/doll
         were my jumpkick boost 
           the fuse to my dynamite
                           the push at the top
                                           of a steep
                                                      steep
                                                           mountain
          and the introduction
                to a life intelligent
            of radical poetry
         and literature that actually did
             blow my brains out
             early a Saturday morning
                and only Tuesday afternoon, 3:30ish so
             did I find the 
             lower half
               of my cerebrum
                             behind
                             the 
                             radiator.
        YOU!  introduced me
                   introspected me
                   hardly prepared me
                   for the trip I now take
                   myself on.
        YOU!  the blast
                   the lethal dose of intelligence
                   the single handed reason I apply
                   ink to pale india paper
         YOU!  gone, lost, invisible, beyond
         YOU! a god, a devil, a spirit, a human
                   a doll, a lifeforce, a break, a link
                   a want, a need, a have, a cast away
                       from your own world.
                       and 7 months
                             25 days
                             23 hours
           since our last mute laughter together
           why did you show up on my doorstep
                                                    last night?