![]() | The East Village Gabe Gudding ON THE RECTUM OF PEACOCKS very little has been written. Yet it is obvious the creature is hanging on by a very thin thread: it has not much brawn and can be quite rickety in its construction -- being essentially a kind of wicker bird. The rectum of a Peacock is thus like a flask in a picnic basket: it might fall out if the bird is jostled. In this sense the rectum of a peacock is like a fender on an ancient car: it sits at the back and rattles. If one kicks a peacock, it is not unusual to knock the rectum clear out of the bird. A pig is ashamed of its legs but is not ashamed of its rectum. I don't know why that is. A fish cannot speak because it is holding its breath. It is best not to gallop while wearing a colostomy bag. The anus is a kind of larynx of the nether region: it is the only vocal cord unattached to the lungs. As such, it is an "independent" vocal cord -- a kind of "colony" among vocal cords - a settlement of the voice in one of the body's distant regions. There is a cockatrice in my testicle. The rectum, for instance, is the rec-room of the body, where our feces romp as children before entering the world. There is a certain amount of pomp at their graduation. Each rectum is highly personal. Whereas a colostomy bag is a much more public device insofar as it hangs outside the body. A dog's ass is public, whereas a human one is not. Insofar as the anus will allow light into the rectum during a fart, the rectum is a kind of camera obscura. The walleye is a kind of Italian: he gloats about himself. Diarrhea, before it is released from the body, is like an annoyed Raven in a leather jar. Once, I tried to kill a walleye after a large dinner, but I had grown so fat at the table that I had to re-learn how to punch, and I felt like Humpty Dumpty trying to learn Kung Fu. It is not polite to pluck a colostomy bag from a person and hurl it at a bridge. Next |